I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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