so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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