My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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