This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
babies were throwing up all over the place
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
