I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
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I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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