I wish I could punch you in the face.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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