You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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