We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
