I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
