it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
