I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
