Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I looked at my own cervix.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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