That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
