don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
