There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
