Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
