So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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