is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
