I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
