You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
