Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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