when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
