she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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