Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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