i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's blow job season.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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