Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
