also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
