Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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