Screwed.edu
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
