My hand turned me down
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
