i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
