i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
