apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
