The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
