What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
