Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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