you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
