dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
