I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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