Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
