I hope mine doesn't look like that
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
