Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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