My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
