One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
