so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
