The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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