she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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