I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
