you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
