I have demons in me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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