i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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