I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
