Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
