I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
