there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
