4 words: hood of his car
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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