After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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