This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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